I have always been very close with my MOM.. We shared almost everything.. Well of course NOT EVERYTHING.. But I always have my reasons NOT to share EVERYTHING.. There are things I don't want her to know.. It's not like I'm lying or anything like that but just that certain things are so much better if she doesn't know.. Or at least if she still knows, I don't want to know if she knows..
Last year, her voiced out that she doesn't like me to hang out late nights. It's dangerous.. I am very much aware that the world is a very unsafe place.. I didn't argue with her.. What do I expect ? She is my mother (even not real mother), there's nothing much there for me to say. Even if I say, "okay, I won't go out late nights" , still I don't think she would believe me, but to her at least, she had warned me about it..
This morning, ahh damn.. Another one.. One most important thing that she should never found out.. But she did and she again, voiced it out.. Maybe I thought I have tried to not let her finds out about it but then she still did.. I don't know exactly where she found out about it but I am guessing, ‘strangers’ was the culprit. I think she knew it long time ago, just that maybe last week I talked so much about it on phone, and from there, she was convinced, I think..
Well, there's still nothing to argue about that matter.. I feel like I have no right to say anything about it.. She was right, she made her point.. I can't and I should not argue about it at all.. Because I'm her son and I am she right.. I care so much about her knowing it because it's something she should not know.. I don't like this feeling I have when I know she knows. :(
Now this thing is bothering and haunting me.. I feel bad that in a way I know I may have disappoint her. :(MOM..i am so sad and badly here..i am fucking deeply miss you were there.. i am really naive be the one Haranton people in Kuala Lumpur.. I step up every single day by own..
p/s: I don't know if Mom reads my blog, or even full family ! But I know Mom tried to formspring me. :O
Last year, her voiced out that she doesn't like me to hang out late nights. It's dangerous.. I am very much aware that the world is a very unsafe place.. I didn't argue with her.. What do I expect ? She is my mother (even not real mother), there's nothing much there for me to say. Even if I say, "okay, I won't go out late nights" , still I don't think she would believe me, but to her at least, she had warned me about it..
This morning, ahh damn.. Another one.. One most important thing that she should never found out.. But she did and she again, voiced it out.. Maybe I thought I have tried to not let her finds out about it but then she still did.. I don't know exactly where she found out about it but I am guessing, ‘strangers’ was the culprit. I think she knew it long time ago, just that maybe last week I talked so much about it on phone, and from there, she was convinced, I think..
Well, there's still nothing to argue about that matter.. I feel like I have no right to say anything about it.. She was right, she made her point.. I can't and I should not argue about it at all.. Because I'm her son and I am she right.. I care so much about her knowing it because it's something she should not know.. I don't like this feeling I have when I know she knows. :(
Now this thing is bothering and haunting me.. I feel bad that in a way I know I may have disappoint her. :(MOM..i am so sad and badly here..i am fucking deeply miss you were there.. i am really naive be the one Haranton people in Kuala Lumpur.. I step up every single day by own..
p/s: I don't know if Mom reads my blog, or even full family ! But I know Mom tried to formspring me. :O
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