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COMPOSE

"Everyone has their own dirty little secrets and I am keeping one now.I don't feel bad for it nor do I feel proud of it.At some point, I wonder why I let it happened and on the other I feel like there's nothing wrong with it.Truth is, this secret is indeed horrible.I could have avoided it in some ways but I did not.

The thing is,I had a choice but I chose negative.Is it a mistake? I don't know.It seems like it's a mistake now but it could turned out to be a good thing,at least for myself.The worst thing about this is that it involves other people.The outcome for this will never be a win for every one involved.Swear,never.In fact,if everyone loses,I am the one who will be losing big time.That's how dirty it is.

I always tell myself to think positive,but there is nothing positive in this.Believe me I have tried my hardest to find and think positive about it.The fact is, even if it is positive,it is still bad.Okay maybe,it's not the thing that is bad.Maybe it's me.No,IT IS ME.hmm

Nobody really knows what I am talking about here.Or do you? Anyway I am not being emotional,I don't feel so.I just feel that what I am doing right now doesn't seem like me.or at least it doesn't seem like what I would do.But it happens and what happens next is for me to bear.

Come to think of it,I have always had this time in my life.I had it before somewhere last year and it's happening again.The difference is,I feel worse than before.Right this moment,I don't have my halo shining above my head and a pair of white wings on my back.

If last year I had grown two horns and a tail,this time I had grown two sharper horns a longer pointed tail.How bad could I be? You don't wanna know.

I have never been good since I left you.Never once in 8 months I did not feel guilty for what I have done to you.I am truly sorry.How I wish I could bend the time

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