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BENGANG

"After I got the message from him this Morning..I know he still not understand what im feeling..I actually what he felt..but both of must be realized that we'll be ok soon..please..I hate some of forced.. Im down when the text sound Im just finding him for something not bloom ( i dont really know how he find the words so).. Sometimes i think..who be my friend is easy to laughing with me while have a tittle as a lover.. For me.. If i let my heart to fallen its mean ill let myself in cage.. But if i have a couple status and the networking still like a friend is mean a double amaze for me and you~"
Throughout the years I have fallen in and out of love..Hearts broken then mended then broken then mended again..Sometimes I felt like it will never end where it comes to a point where I felt like I had enough of the game of heart..But in the mean time I find myself letting it happen again..When I let my heart love, I somehow let my heart be hurt too..(its a package)There's no way I or anyone could love without getting hurt.. Even if it is minor, the hurt is still there.. It's just the matter of if the hurt is worth it or not.. For my situation right now, I am still unsure of myself.. One moment I feel like love is nothing but bullshit and at some point I feel like it's never wrong to let your heart love despite the heart breaks in the past..
Perhaps, I'm scared to love.. Too scared to give all my heart to the significant other.. When I'm scared that means I'm not ready.. When I'm not ready to get hurt that means I'm not ready to love.. I don't know when will I be ready again for love.. Not so soon I guess.. Another thing is commitment.. I know myself that I can only give a total commitment to someone when I truly love him.. There was a case before where I flirt around when I was in a relationship.. Then I know that wasn't really love.. Well that relationship was not something I'm proud of after all..
I can love if I want to.. Probably that's what I'm trying to do now with someone.. It's been going smoothly I guess but nothing too serious yet.. Better that way and I'm fine with that.. We're just taking it easy.. So I'm kind of 50% attached to him but I don't want to hope so much.. If everything really goes well then we'll see what happens next but for now it's better for us to get to know each other better..
"Now better I list what actually i am.. And if you and other people still can't cath me..its better read this.. I akan cakap dalam bahasa melayu untuk mudah difahami.."
1: Jangan paksa i buat sesuatu..biar I sendiri yang alert tentang sesuatu..2: I tidak menunduk kepada orang lain, melainkan dia yang i sayang..3: Jangan buat I benci jika perkara remeh di bahaskan, hanya untuk sekali..tiada senyuman akan diberi..4: Jangan fikir I senyap..I membenci, itu tidak..kerana secara totalnya anda membuang masa berfikir apa yang sedang I fikirkan..sebab ia tidak akan pernah TEPAT! 5: Jangan berprasangka buruk terhadap I..kerana fikiran anda itu lebih buruk dari apa yang di sangkakan.. -end-

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